The 2003 How Dare You Awards

Written By Michael Shantz

Worst Title:

  • Bulletproof Monk

  • Deliver Us From Eva

  • From Justin to Kelly

  • Gigli (WINNER!)

  • Good Boy!

Most Unnecessary Sequel:

  • American Wedding

  • Final Destination 2 (WINNER!)

  • The Jungle Book 2

  • Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and Blonde (WINNER!)

  • Spy Kids 3D

Movie That Took Itself Way, Way Too Seriously:

  • The Last Samurai

  • The Life of David Gale

  • The Matrix Reloaded (WINNER!)

  • The Missing

  • Radio

Biggest Disappointment:

  • Dumb and Dumberer

  • Gothika

  • Hulk

  • The Matrix: Reloaded

  • The Matrix: Revolutions (WINNER!)

The Movie That Should Have Had Action Figures But Didn’t:

  • Chasing Papi

  • Elephant

  • House of Sand and Fog

  • Mystic River

  • Radio (WINNER!)

The Strange Bedfellows Award:

  • Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson: Anger Management

  • Steve Martin & Queen Latifah: Bringing Down the House (WINNER!)

  • Chow Yun Fat & Stiffler: Bulletproof Monk

  • Harrison Ford & Josh Hartnett: Holywood Homicide

  • Lisa Kudrow & Damon Wayans: Marci X

Biggest Computer Generated Obscenity:

  • The Mansion:The Haunted Mansion

  • The Hulk : Hulk (WINNER!)

  • Jack: Kangaroo Jack

  • Entire Cast: The League of Extraordinary Gentleman

  • Needle Face: The Matrix: Revolutions

Most Forgettable Performance by an Oscar Winning Actor:

  • Adrien Brody: Dummy

  • Benicio Del Toro: The Hunted

  • Cuba Gooding Jr.: The Fighting Temptations

  • Al Pacino: Gigli (WINNER!)

  • Christopher Walken: Gigli

Most Forgettable Performance by an Oscar Winning Actress:

  • Jennifer Connelly: The Hulk (WINNER!)

  • Sally Field: Legally Blonde 2

  • Angelina Jolie: Beyond Borders

  • Gwyneth Paltrow: View From the Top

  • Marisa Tomei: Anger Management

Most Reprehensible Body of Work in a Single Year:

  • Ben Affleck: Daredevil, Gigli, & Paycheck (WINNER!)

  • Anthony Anderson: Cradle 2 the Grave, Kangaroo Jack & Malibu’s Most Wanted

  • Aaron Eckhart: The Core, The Missing & Paycheck

  • Steven Martin: Bringing Down the House, Cheaper by the Dozen, & Looney Tunes: Back in Action

  • Kelly Preston: Cat in the Hat, What a Girl Wants, & View From the Top

Movie You Least Wanted to See:

  • Cat in the Hat

  • The Fighting Temptations

  • Gigli (WINNER!)

  • Marci X

  • Uptown Girls

Title That Best Fits a Porno Movie:

  • Girl with a Pearl Earring

  • In the Cut

  • Holes (WINNER!)

  • Step into Liquid

  • Something’s Gotta Give

Most Formulaic:

  • The Core: We gotta save the Earth again but this time we have to go to the juicy center of our planet

  • Freak Friday: The body swap movie is back. This time it’s thanks to a fortune cookie (WINNER!)

  • Honey: A young lady has to find herself. This time while being a dancer

  • The Last Samurai: Imagine Dances with Wolves but in Japan

  • Mona Lisa Smile: A teacher must keep the Dead Poets Society alive

Most Ridiculous Concept:

  • Bringing Down the House: A lawyer goes on a date with an escaped convict who convinces him to take her case while they become friends

  • The Core: An unknown force has caused the Earth’s core to stope rotating. It needs a bomb to jump start it

  • Good Boy!: It turns out dogs came to Earth from another planet and forgot their mission to take over our world

  • Kangaroo Jack: Two friends delivering mob money to Australia and one of them unwisely puts his jacket with the money and a kangaroo that takes off with it (WINNER!)

  • Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and Blonde: Elle Woods can only have her say about animal rights by infiltrating Congress

Michael Shantz
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