The 2015 How Dare You Awards
Worst Title:
99 Homes
Chappie
Our Brand is Crisis
Self/less
Unfriended (WINNER!)
Most Unnecessary Sequel:
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Round Chip
Hot Tub Time Machine 2
Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (WINNER!)
Ted 2
Movie That Took Itself Way, Way Too Seriously:
In the Heart of the Sea
Point Break (WINNER!)
Sicario
The Hateful Eight
We Are Your Friends
Biggest Disappointment:
Aloha
Entourage
Spectre
The Fantastic Four (WINNER!)
Tomorrowland
Least Successful Reboot or Remake:
Fantastic Four (WINNER!)
Hitman: Agent 47
Pont Break
Poltergeist
Vacation
Movies Most Easily Confused:
Divergent Series: Insurgent and Maze Runner: Scorch Trials (WINNER!)
Insidious Chapter 3 and Sinister 2
The Boy Next Door and The Perfect Guy
Most Forgettable Performance by an Oscar Winning Actor:
Alan Arkin: Love the Coopers
Morgan Freeman: Ted 2 (WINNER!)
Ben Kingsley: Self/less
Sean Penn: The Gunman
Eddie Redmayne: Jupiter Ascending
Most Forgettable Performance by an Oscar Winning Actress:
Diane Keaton: Love the Coopers
Gwyneth Paltrow: Mortdecai
Meryl Streep: Ricki and the Flash
Marisa Tomei: Love the Coopers
Reece Witherspoon: Hot Pursuit (WINNER!)
Movie You Least Wanted to See:
Jupiter Ascending
Mortdecai (WINNER!)
Pan
Pixels
Point Break
Title That Best Fits a Porno Film:
Crimson Peak
Get Hard
Hot Pursuit
Infinitely Polar Bear
The Longest Ride (WINNER!)
Title Combination That Makes the Best Super Porno Title:
Ant Man Road Hard
Joy While We’re Young
Point Break Concussion
The Furious Gift 7
Unfinished Business Sleeping with Other People (WINNER!)
Most Formulaic:
Chappie: A director manages to make the same movie for the fourth time. This makes you forget entirely that you actually liked District 9
Entourage: The formula is actually the idea that you can take a half hour television show and make it into a movie that isn’t anything other than unbearable (WINNER!)
Run All Night: This is the Liam Neeson formula in which an action movie is released between January and March every year
The Boy Next Door: This formula shows us that torrid love affairs can take a dangerous turn
The Perfect Guy: This formula shows us that a new relationship with a charming man can take a dangerous turn
Most Ridiculous Concept:
Jupiter Ascending: The concept is an heiress of intergalactic nobility must save earth from an ancient and destructive industry (?)
Pixels: The concept is that aliens misinterpret video feeds of our classic 80’s video games and then attack Earth in the form of those games (WINNER!)
Self/less: In this movie someone surely said, “We’ll make a movie in which Ghandi (Ben Kingsley) transfers his consciousness into Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds)
Unfriended: Just know it is labeled as a cybernatural thriller which means some computer supernatural force is stalking you on Facebook
Wedding Ringer: A soon to be married bachelor has no friend to be his best man and apparently there is an actual business dedicated to just this problem (?)