The 1998 How Dare You Awards

Written By Michael Shantz

Worst Title:

  • BASEketball

  • Belly

  • Halloween H2O: Twenty Years Later

  • How Stella Got Her Groove Back

  • Woo (WINNER!)

Most Unnecessary Sequel:

  • Blues Brothers 2000 (WINNER!)

  • I Still Know What You Did Last Summer

  • Lethal Weapon 4

  • The Odd Couple II

  • Species II

Biggest Disappointment:

  • Armegeddon

  • Godzilla (WINNER!)

  • He Got Game

  • Lost in Space

  • Psycho

Title That Best Fits a Movie About Prefontaine:

  • Can’t Hardly Wait

  • Living Out Loud

  • The Mighty

  • Psycho (WINNER!)

  • Rushmore

Least Watchable Movie Featuring a Friend:

  • Almost Heroes, Matthew Perry (WINNER!)

  • Kissing a Fool, David Schwimmer

  • Lost in Space, Matt LeBlanc

  • The Object of My Affection, Jennifer Aniston

  • The Opposite of Sex, Lisa Kudrow

Most Regrettable Performance by a Non-Actor:

  • Howie Long, Firestorm (WINNER!)

  • Gheorghe Muresan, My Giant

  • Trey Parker & Matt Stone, BASEketball

  • Jerry Springer, Ringmaster

  • Scott “Carrot Top” Thompson, Chairman of the Board

Most Regrettable Performance by a TV Actor in a Film Role:

  • Lacy Chabert (Party of Five), Lost in Space

  • Rebecca Gayheart (Noxema Girl), Urban Legends

  • Mark Paul Gosselar (Saved by the Bell), Dead Man on Campus (WINNER!)

  • Jennifer Love Hewitt (Party of Five), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer

  • Katie Holmes (Dawson’s Creek), Disturbing Behavior

Most Forgettable Performance by an Oscar Winning Actor:]

  • Richard Dreyfuss, Krippendorf’s Tribe (WINNER!)

  • Morgan Freeman, Hard Rain

  • Dustin Hoffman, Sphere

  • William Hurt, Dark City

  • Jeremy Irons, The Man in the Iron Mask

Most Forgettable Performance by an Oscar Winning Actress:

  • Angelica Huston, Ever After

  • Jessica Lange, Hush

  • Jessica Lange, Cousin Bette

  • Frances McDormand, Madeline

  • Mira Sorvino, The Replacement Killers (WINNER!)

Title that Best Fits a Porno Movie:

  • Babe: Pig in the City

  • My Giant (WINNER!)

  • One Tough Cop

  • Pi

  • The Thin Red Line

Most Formulaic:

  • Armageddon: Your tried and true disaster film and one of two Earth is going to die movies this year.

  • Lethal Weapon 4: Practically its own formula of buddy cop movie which met a tragic end with this thing.

  • Mask of Zorro: A throwback to nostalgia serials formula.

  • Patch Adams: The doctor with a heart of gold formula. This time his massive heart is matched with his magical humor but you keep expecting flubber to show up.

  • You’ve Got Mail: A formula all its own now in which Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan fall in love even if they hate each other. (WINNER!)

Most Ridiculous Concept:

  • Almost Heroes: Two explorers are racing Lewis and Clark to the Pacific Ocean in 1804. One is a glory seek fop out of his league and the other is a slovenly, clumsy tracker who likes toilet humor.

  • BASEketball: When challenged by jocks to play basketball two slacker friends counter to play a combination of basketball and baseball which somehow becomes a professional sport.

  • Chairman of the Board: A billionaire manages to take a shine to a surfer bum and inexplicably leaves his invention company to him after he dies.

  • Krippendorf’s Tribe: An anthropologist wastes his grant money and decides to enlist his children to become the Shelmikedmu, members of a primitive tribe (WINNER!)

  • My Giant: An agent stumbles upon a giant man living in Romania and decides he must get him into the movies.

Michael Shantz
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